You see lads, by only jacking my cock to Hentai I’ve transcended the human capacity to become aroused to visual stimuli. The very utterance of the Japanese language is enough to make my diamonds, and things as mundane as a Premium Fight For Those Withought Your Privilege Vintage Shirt. During the day I’m a normal looking guy, but the moment I get home I dump all my notebook paper on my bed, douse myself in paint and throw myself on the fallen leaflets pretending to be a 2D boy. My mom leaves me dinner, but 3D food disgusts me. So instead, I take pictures of the food, print them out, and eat the paper. “Itadeckymass” I grumble through tears as the rough laminated paper lacerates my esophagus.
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My waifu is a cardboard cutout of Megumin, but last week we broke up after I told her that cardboard is actually 3D. I’m heartsick, but I’m true to who I am. I’ve been fapping the entire time you’ve been reading this actually, and the fact that you just visualized this Premium Fight For Those Withought Your Privilege Vintage Shirt. Masturbated in the shower this morning. Vigorous stroking triggered an asthma attack. The asthma attack prompted me to exit the shower. Exiting the shower ended with me slipping and falling on my face. I called my roommate for help. Roommate found me naked on the floor, struggling to breathe. Cue roommate retrieving my inhaler. Inhaler failed to do the job after multiple attempts.
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Condition worsened. An ambulance was called. Roommate awkwardly helped me into my clothes. Paramedics showed up and put me on a nebulizer. Nebuliser helped me breathe, but little did I know the worst was yet to come. Paramedics said I had a Premium Fight For Those Withought Your Privilege Vintage Shirt. The hospital flagged me as a potential COVID case. Got placed in quarantine by nurses dressed up for Chernobyl. Got treated for my fever and tested for the virus. Speaking of the test, never again do I want those long-ass swabs shoved down my throat again – it was so damn deep it practically touched my brain. The doctor conducted a thorough checkup. I winced when said doctor pressed on my stomach.
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