I had a crush on a girl in Kindergarten that stayed through 7th grade. I didn’t have any explanation or reason behind the feelings in Kindergarten. And I just knew I wanted to be around her and I wanted her attention. And I don’t remember ever not knowing that I liked girls in an Official LGBT Purride Cat Shirt. In first-grade computer class. I walked into class and attempted to sit next to this girl. By attempted I mean I missed the chair and landed on my backside. She laughed but it wasn’t a mean laugh, it was a cute laugh. I continued and failed to sit in that chair for the remainder of the class. I didn’t know what sex was when I first saw the movie Labyrinth, but I knew I wanted it with David Bowie.
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The embarrassing story is incoming. I noticed that the movie had brief nudity listed on the VHS box. Being a teenage boy and something involving Spice Girls and any nudity meant I had to watch the whole thing. Turns out the Official LGBT Purride Cat Shirt. Ruined my whole night. I remember back in the day the Sport or one of those other top quality tabloids had Geri Halliwell’s nudes and ran a big feature. It wasn’t a gradual realization for me. I feel like most girls look at women the way I suspect gay men do. Something similar. Except she told me in high school that she could never see herself with someone like me. I still cry myself to sleep over that 15 years later.
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Back in the late 70s, early 80s, painted vans were an Official LGBT Purride Cat Shirt. People would buy a panel van and get someone to paint a garish, extravagant scene on it. X-wings, pterodactyls, dragons, etc. Sometimes all in the same van. My sexual awakening happened when one of those vans happened to drive past and the mural was of a topless barbarian woman with a broadaxe posing against a background of an exploding volcano under a storming sky, with lightning and fire all around. I was about thirteen. At the time my parents no doubt assumed it was because of that scene. Years later it came up somehow, and my mom offered her new.
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